Category Archives: Awakening

Topics related to awakening and spirituality


The roar of the egoic mind


Listening to that voice in our head can be so enticing. But is it ever really helpful or true?

Recently I got a new pair of glasses, then after just one week the left ear piece broke off the frame. I went back to the place where I bought it and spoke to a nice woman that took them from me, said they will fix it free, and will call me when they’re ready to be picked up.

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From a lost cat experience to to being awakened, why not? the opportunity to awaken is always there



What if I tell you there is a magical vantage point where peace and love prevails!

One definition of magical I like is: “beautiful or delightful in such a way as to seem removed from everyday life.” The operative word here is “seem”.

Magical synonyms: extraordinary, remarkable, exceptional, outstanding, incredible, phenomenal, unbelievable, amazing, astonishing, astounding, stunning, staggering, marvelous, magnificent, wonderful, sensational, breathtaking, miraculous; fantastic, fabulous, stupendous, out of this world, terrific, tremendous, brilliant, mind-boggling, mind-blowing, awesome; literary wondrous.

Who wouldn’t want to feel magic every day?

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Follow your inner guidance not your thoughts


fun_angelHere are a couple of great true stories by Lee Coit of why listening to our inner feelings and guidance is more important than listening to our thoughts/ego.

Asking guidance about everything

Early on, I asked my inner guide why I needed to follow his guidance, exclusively as he had requested. I had been successful making decisions and felt it was rather a put-down to be told to always ask about everything. Had my past decisions been so terrible that they could not be trusted? Was I really that incompetent? I was told, “You have made many good decisions and I know you try to do the best for yourself and others most of the time. However, you need my guidance in everything because you do not value yourself as highly as I do.” That shocked me, I have never thought of myself as overly modest.

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A guide to awakening


m82In this article, I share some suggestions to help people awaken. You may first want to read about my awakening and an explanation of what it is.

The following visualization technique is brought to you by Dr. Marcia Emery: Before you read on, pretend your doubts and beliefs are a coat you’re wearing. Let’s temporarily suspend those beliefs by taking the coat off and placing it on the imaginary coat rack for now. It will still be there at the end in case you want to wear it again. Or you may just want to leave the coat behind, as you choose to shatter or make obsolete those beliefs through having new direct experiences.

Please don’t think this is New Age gobbledygook or the work of the devil, because you may miss out on something special, the real you! That condemnation, negativity, doubt, and judgment is your ego talking which is afraid of losing control, and you’ve listened to it for far too long. It’s all a form of resistance. Weigh experiences on their own merit, and not on what you think. I’m not asking you to believe what I write. Only to have an open mind and the courage to try some of the things listed below so you will have an experience for yourself. An experience no matter how subtle may just have a profound impact on your life, and how you choose to see the world from here on out.

Exercises to have you experience the real you

Below are a few techniques to try and you can see which one appeals to you. You don’t have to do them all, but you can if you like. Hopefully one will be more easy for you to do than another.

The following are from Frank Kinslow’s work:

1) Have someone ask you the following questions or record them and play them back to yourself while sitting relaxed with no distractions. Let some time pass in between each question. The object of this not to necessarily come up with answers to the questions, but rather to notice what happens and how you feel.

Where will my next thought come from?
What will my next thought look like?
What will my next thought sound like?
What will my next thought taste like?
What will my next thought smell like?
What will my next thought feel like?
What will?

Yes, the last question listed is correct. How did you feel immediately after doing that exercise? Did you notice that your mind stopped thinking? Did you feel relaxed?

2) Place your forefinger from your left hand on your left leg. Focus your attention on what you feel underneath your forefinger. Is it hot or cold, do you feel your skin or fabric, is there any other sensations? Observe for a little while. Keep your left forefinger as-is but now do the same thing with your right forefinger by placing it on your right leg. Observe that for a little while. After that focus on the sensations you feel underneath both forefingers at the same time. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to focusing on both forefingers for awhile. How do you feel afterwards?

3) While sitting comfortably in a quiet place, focus your attention on the thoughts you have. Do not try and stop them, simply watch them come and go. Don’t latch on to any thought. If you get caught up in a thought, don’t get mad at yourself and just go back to observing your thoughts again. After a while do you notice that you have less thoughts or they stop altogether? How do you feel?

4) What is the biggest thing in the universe? The answer is space! Spend some time gently focusing on the space that’s all around you. If your mind wanders, gently bring it back to focusing on the space/air. How do you feel afterwards?

The following exercise is for people that have a very active mind or for the more advanced stage:

Without trying too hard or straining simply focus your attention on your feet for a few seconds, then move your focus to your knees, then hands, then shoulders. Most will find this easy to do, while others may find focusing on two things at the same time a bit more difficult. But I’m sure that you would agree that you were able to hold focus to some degree. The thing is, I never had to instruct you on how to focus. It came naturally to you. You brought your awareness to each of those body parts automatically. That’s how simple it is to bring your focus, or more accurately, your awareness to something. Now do it again, but this time we are going to try to keep the focus on more things at the same time. Bring your awareness to your feet for a little while, then as you bring your awareness to your knees, still keep your awareness on your feet as well. As you bring your awareness to your hands, try to keep your awareness on your feet and knees too. The same goes when you move your awareness to your shoulders. See if you can try to keep your awareness on your feet, knees, hands, and shoulders all at the same time. Make sure you are doing this with a gentle and easy focus, and not the hard tight determined type of focus. This is difficult to accomplish and at some point, the mind will want to give up trying. Let it. What is it that takes over after the mind has given up? How do you feel?


After completing any of those exercises, did you experience a gap of no thinking, even if it was for a fraction of a second? After you experience a gap of no thinking, a curious question arises, who or what notices that there is a quiet mental gap of no thought? Considering there was no thought going on, how can one be aware that there was no thought? As Gina Lake says, who would you be without your thoughts?

Experiencing a quiet no thought moment is a great start. What is in that gap of no thought?

When I first did Frank Kinslow’s exercise # 1 listed above, the first question alone produced a quiet gap in my thinking. Then by the end of the questions, I was feeling mentally quiet and relaxed. Later I realized that relaxation came with a profound sense of peace. That peace has other qualities too. It is easy to overlook because we take it for granted and the mind doesn’t think it is anything special. It’s so natural and simple to achieve that state of being once you have experienced it because that’s naturally who we are. You can experience the real you within that gap of no thought.

Imagine a cork represents our ego. When we’re focused on thoughts and believe them, the ego pulls us down underwater and is like trying to hold a cork underwater. It takes time and energy to keep that cork submerged. We can’t breathe, it’s debilitating, we feel contracted and cut off from everything. We usually cannot see anything past our ego. It’s resistance to being and accepting the moment. When we focus away from thoughts and on the moment at hand it is freeing. Just like when the cork is released and rises to the surface, we can breathe again, feel expansive, and our natural essence automatically shines through. Except we have lost touch with what that is so that when it appears in a subtle way, the mind wants to dismiss it as not being important. The essence of who we are is love, peace, stillness, wholeness, harmony, grace, joy, and all the other good virtues you can name. Pay attention to the moment and feel the presence of who you are.

Gina Lake says to remind yourself to be in the present throughout the day by asking what am I focused on? When we’re recalling a memory (past) or thinking about something yet to happen (future), then we are no longer in the present. At that point, the egoic mind has taken over. Whenever we realize this, then it’s good news because we’re automatically back in the present.

What grabs us out of the present moment? It’s a thought that we tend to believe. All sorts of thoughts might arise and one may hook us (pay attention to) because there’s some part of us that believes that thought. To heal and progress, you have to be brutally honest with yourself. Always seek the ultimate truth.

It may be hard at first to stay in the present moment and not pay attention to thoughts, but it gets easier (exponentially). After you have more and more experiences of your true self, you will be grounded in the foundation of who you truly are. Rest knowing that the core of you is benevolent with all good virtues. How do I know this? Apart from experiencing that first hand, just look around you in the world. Yes there is fighting and strife, however, there is also kindness and people helping each other. If we were not benevolent the world would be a completely a different hostile place with no sense of order at all. So, rest assured that you are always the light that shines through the darkness.

The secret is not to resist anything in the moment, because everything is you. Resisting anything is rejecting yourself.


My awakening and what is it


galaxy_I_zwicky_18In this article I share about my awakening and explain what it means to me. At the end of this article, there is a link to a guide on awakening.

For about four years prior to awakening, thanks to Frank Kinslow’s work, I had been experiencing my essence, Pure Awareness or EuStillness as Frank calls it, and what Eckhart Tolle calls Being. It is the experience of being home. It is beyond the mind and it is the feeling (used loosely) of nothing or no-thing and oneness at the same time, so I call it “nOne”. In the word “none” it has the word “one” in it (nOne) so it seems appropriate. I use nOne because it’s hard for the mind to form concepts, opinions, and judgements around that word as opposed to emotionally charged and loaded words like God. In any given moment there can be the experience of profound peace, love, and joy. Yet during that time I had resistance, unpleasant thoughts and judgements. I was still suffering.

A month before awakening, I started reading A Course in Miracles book and it emphasized forgiveness as a way out of the reincarnation cycle. I kept getting more unhappy and depressed reading it. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because forgiveness is a very challenging path and I’m not sure I can do that. Perhaps it simply wasn’t for me, especially since I always loved the phrase “Acceptance bypasses the need for forgiveness” by Emmanuelle. Forgiveness implies that you or another did something wrong. From a spiritual perspective there is no such thing as right and wrong, while from the human perspective there’s morales and laws that punish the wrongdoers.  I started reading Gina Lake’s Radiance, Return to Essence, and The Jesus Trilogy books and I was loving them. I noticed a good change happening in me and after years of spiritual searching, suffering and Gina Lake’s books were the final catalyst to my awakening.

Awakening came to me unexpectedly, I guess when I was ready for it and I’m not sure it is something you can make or force to happen. What awakening means to me is the unequivocal realization and acknowledgment that one is not their egoic mind and body. I no longer can become completely identified with the egoic mind. I finally understand what the ego’s purpose is and what it has been doing to me, and I can now laugh at the absurdity of it all. Awakening brings the experience of the real truth and gives the opportunity to end the internal suffering. Who we really are is hard to describe in words and is paradoxical (like nothing and everything). It must be experienced. It’s easier to state that we are not our bodies, minds, or even souls. That last one, souls, probably got you, huh?

The truth has layers or different levels depending on the context one is speaking about. A truth that one can state is that we are human having a physical experience. Probably nobody will argue that isn’t true. From the shared experiences of people that have had a near death experience (NDE), we could state another truth that when you physically die, your soul leaves your body and goes to another place or dimension. You cannot convince people that have had NDE’s that is not the case. They know it to be true because they have had a profound experience of it. These are only a couple of levels of experiences. I’m all about experiencing things over something you read (especially religious text) or were told by another.

As you can see at the context level of the physical experience, those previous truths stated probably would stand scrutiny (at least to some degree). Yet there are deeper levels of truth. In human form, one can experience an every day awake and expansive state of awareness where profound peace (or stillness) is almost palpable. With this experience comes an understanding of another level of truth, and that is that we are everything and everyone. Speaking at this level, we really don’t have a soul, how can we when we/you are everyone. We could say there is only oneness. Another truth, perhaps the ultimate truth, is that you (or we) do not really exist. Even stating oneness is not completely accurate, it’s more like you are no-thing. So, is the truth stated earlier about we are human having a physical experience really true, or an elaborate deceptive dream (similar in concept to The Matrix movie)? Is this all happening in our minds? Are we all dreaming the same dream?

If you still remember the last vivid dream you had, did it feel real? Do you remember all the sensations, perhaps of touch and emotions? What part of you felt that since you were asleep? Was it your mind interpreting all the sensations? Why is a dream considered not real, and the awake state real? What if when we are awake it is not real?

Around the year 2000, I was walking down the street past Tiffany’s store at the famous Union Square in San Francisco when I had an amazing experience. All of a sudden, every person that was walking towards me, I immediately and intimately recognized at a deep level of my being despite never having seen or known them before in the physical. I instantly remembered them (their true essence) and knew without a shadow of a doubt they were me too. This recognition seemed to last forever, but I’m sure it only lasted about 15 seconds. The experience put a smile on my face, opened my heart and filled my mind with awe. I realized that I had experienced oneness to some degree.

I felt nOne before awakening but it is much more prevalent after the awakening. Now as I go about my day, I experience the nOne as mostly peaceful quiet stillness. It feels like soft, silky, limitless, loving and nurturing energy that I can stay bathing in forever. It feels like there’s no light (black), empty or nothing, yet it is not empty and it’s teeming with life (tingling with endless possibilities). This is just a way to describe it because it is not energy and I don’t feel it. I experience nOne beyond the human mind of time and space. When enveloped in that experience, there is nothing wrong, or anything I have to do, and nothing can upset me. I am in utter contentment or bliss. It took me a while to realize that there is no more fear. Fear simply dropped away. Fear cannot live or be in (that state of) nOne. The foundation of who we truly are is nOne, before all this manifestation of a soul, human being, and even the feeble human concept of a God.

Barbara Brennan sees auras and our God connection which she calls the Core Star. In the mid 90’s, I went to the first year of her school. What I call nOne, I believe Barbara Brennan calls the black velvet void. While at her school and in meditation, I experienced the black velvet void but I didn’t realize the significance of it back then, but I remember it felt really good. Here are a few quotes from her:

“It is possible to directly experience this “black velvet void” and its teaming unmanifest life within the Core Star. The direct experience of this infinite boundless life is quite wonderful. It is the source within us and within every cell of our bodies out of which we build our human-energy-consciousness system, our bodies and our lives. The Core Star is our first manifestation out of the void into individuality. The Core Star is like the opposite of a Black Hole. It spews out manifest life!”

“Since the Black Velvet Void, Brahma and the Zero Point Field are the source of all manifestation, I think they are one and the same.”

“In the black velvet void there is no form, no thing yet, aliveness exists there as your basic ground of being.”

Don’t get me wrong, I am not in a blissful state all the time especially when I have let the egoic mind take hold. But after awakening the ego cannot take hold for very long anymore. I am not special, there are many all around the world awakening and it’s accelerating. Perhaps you’re ready to awaken since you are reading this now. Have an open mind and continue to seek the ultimate truth.

You may want to read a guide to awakening.



Resistance and trying to stay in control


nebula_ngc_3603_jewel_box“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” by Carl Jung

Someone changed it and stated “What you resist persists…and what you accept changes”.

I’m writing about the resistance that stems from the egoic mind. It’s resistance of your essence, of being, and accepting the now. You’ve listened to the thoughts in your head all your life, but has your egoic mind really been looking out for your best interest?

I watched an interview where Adyashanti talked about how as a young kid he didn’t understand why adults were so miserable. Then later he realized that adults were believing the thoughts that run through their minds. That was a shock to him. It seems he already was gifted with the insight not to believe in the thoughts of the egoic mind.

Before awakening, I was like most unawakened people trapped in the mind prison having to listen and believe all the opinions, commentary, orders, negative and judgmental thoughts. When I identified with the thoughts I suffered, felt shackled, and it was so debilitating.

The reason we get pulled into the ego’s trap is because a part of us believes a thought. I cannot emphasize this enough, we focus our attention on a thought when we believe it to be true. Once we follow a thought, we are no longer in the present moment, and trapped in the drama and false reality of the egoic mind.

Below are a list of thoughts and schemes which are resistance that my ego cleverly used to keep me in it’s false reality. See if you can relate to some of them:

  • I felt guilt, shame and not deserving for various reasons including being disconnected from my essence.
  • I wanted to be right and don’t like being wrong.
  • I need to know what will happen first before following an idea, path, or goal.
  • Planting negative ideas and fears to prevent me from pursuing things.
  • Things are overwhelming, so I get depressed and don’t even bother starting something.
  • I should control my life, and not surrender to God’s will because my pain and suffering was caused by God.
  • Don’t become so curious about things.
  • I never will quiet my thoughts.
  • I can’t connect to my essence.
  • Once connected to my essence, I’m going to lose it again and never going to get it back.
  • It takes too long to connect to my essence so why bother trying.
  • I feel angry that feeling of my essence is so subtle, and I want to feel it only if it’s strong and easy to feel.
  • One of the things I’ve known I wanted to do for a while is to teach and coach. My ego distracted me with a lot of daydreaming of what I would teach to others. A classroom in my head so to speak.
  • Don’t teach spiritual things because you could get condemned or killed over it.
  • Who would listen to anything I have to say.
  • People didn’t pay attention to me so why should I pay attention to them.
  • Afraid to pursue my deep longing because it may not happen.

Also thousands of other bombarding thoughts that aren’t helpful or true. Of course the aspect of connecting or disconnecting from our true essence is ridiculous. We can never be disconnected from our essence because we are it. Also not surrendering to God’s will because it was God that caused my suffering was a big lie. It turns out that believing in the thoughts of the egoic mind is what causes suffering.

We might want to try to stop believing in our thoughts. Our true essence hardly ever communicates through words. Not initially anyway. Not until we have become used to being our true self and the subtlety of awareness. We can go by how we feel. The egoic mind does not have the answers, it only thinks it does.

Give up trying to control your life. Do you still really think you control your own life? Has things always gone your way? Sorry to tell you that you were never really in control of your life. Everything that has happened to us is because the essence of who we are has allowed it for the experience of it. There is co-creation between human and essence. As a human we can make requests and wishes, but the essence of who we are ultimately decides to accommodate the request or not. That’s because at the elevated level of awareness or essence, all decisions are made for the highest good for all. At our limited human perception we cannot always know what is truly right for us, and especially for another person.

We can save ourselves a lot of trouble and always try and accept what is happening in the moment. We really don’t have a choice because whatever is happening, is already happening so we might as well accept it. The other important reason is because rejecting anything is like rejecting the essence of who we are. Similarly, we wouldn’t reject one of our limbs, would we?

The antidote to resistance is surrender. Surrender is genuinely accepting everything in the moment. Our ego may not like what is happening but accept that it is happening, including possibly not liking what is happening is the key. Resisting any part of the moment is like shooting ourselves in the foot, it hurts and sabotages us. Everything is us so how can we reject anything. Resistance doesn’t help us in the long run. It’s important to understand that resisting anything is like cutting off a whole arm just because we got a small cut on a finger. Accept everything as if we made it this way (which in actuality we did).

As the Borg’s say on Star Trek, “Resistance is futile!”, is eventually true. Whether in this lifetime or another, you will awaken, stop resisting, and surrender in the flow of your true essence. It hurts too much not to be in the flow of love.

Peace can always be found in the moment.



About D.A.F.T.


man_and_universeThe last time you got off the chair, do you know why you did it? Did a thought precede you getting up off the chair? Did you get a thought directing you to do something which required you to get up off the chair right there and then? Did you really need to act on that thought?

We rarely question our thoughts and the motivation behind them. They come into our mind and we take them on face value (mostly because we think that’s who we are). But do we need to? Do our thoughts really have our best interest in mind? Why do we get a thought stating to act that is obvious or unnecessary, like brush your teeth or hair now? Having the thought is not needed, we were about to do that anyway or to put it in a different way, we can do that without needing the thought first.

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Do you really need that belief?


brain_stormIt’s important to understand that our beliefs filter our perception of the world. It’s like wearing gray sunglasses, everything seen is not truly as they are except the filter is in our minds. Beliefs directly impact how we interact with others and how we choose to see the world around us. It impacts our thinking and actions.

For instance, if you believe that people are prejudice towards you because of the color of your skin, then incidents will happen clouding your judgement in order to confirm your belief.  Let’s say one night you’re in the car stopped at a traffic signal. You notice the driver next to you is trying to get your attention. When you look over you see he’s pointing towards your car and making a fist and then opening it with fingers spread apart, and keeps repeating it. This immediately sparks anger in you because you take his behavior to mean that he’s trying to pick a fight with you because you’re African American. While the whole time the person was simply trying to notify you that you’re driving without your car headlights on. The closing and opening of the fist was his way of signalling you to turn your car headlights on. As author Gina Lake likes to say, beliefs are a self fulfilling prophecy.

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How to feel your energy!


A great way to start developing a sensitivity to the environment around you is by feeling your energy between your hands. Follow these steps:my_old_aura

  1. It’s easier to detect energy when your hands are warm. Rub them together to get them warmed up if they’re cold.
  2. Place your hands comfortably in front of you with the palms facing each other at about a foot to two feet apart. Make sure they are parallel to each other. Not one up and the other down, or one further in front of the other.
  3. Instead of your palms being flat, it will be easier if you cup your hands slightly.
  4. Close your eyes and focus your attention on the palms of your hands.
  5. Start to very slowly move your hands towards each other. But in very deliberate and slow movements.
  6. As you bring your hands together, keep your focus on the palm of your hands. See if you notice some sensation on one or both hands as you continue to slowly bring them closer together.
  7. Once you feel a sensation like something pushing ever so lightly against the palm of your hand stop moving both hands. Keep the hand that you felt something on still, while you very gently move the other hand back and forth (closer and further apart) against the still hand. Again, you want to do small slow movements. This rocking back and forth movement is to help you emphasize or enhance the push feeling on the hand(s).

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My “I” story


me_in_front_of_pyramidI’ve written this because some of you may want to know a little bit more about me, this “I” that’s known as Lawrence living in human form.

I was born in Cairo and left at an early age (6-7 years old) to be raised near London, and then my immediate family moved to California in 1980. My dad is not religious and let me be free to explore my own spiritual path, while my mum was very religious and tried to teach me the ways of the Koran. As a young boy I instinctively knew not to buy into Islam (or any religion), and asked without receiving any satisfactory answers of why would God care if I prayed five times a day and ate pork or not. It just didn’t make any sense to me. I knew God was larger and different than what we try to portray in human religious terms. I’m sure because of my dad’s prodding to leave me alone, eventually my mum gave up trying to bring me into the muslim fold. Thank you dad for that. I don’t have anything against any religion, however, I feel that if I had practiced a religion, it would have taken me even longer to experience and know the truth of who I really am.

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