For about four years prior to awakening, thanks to Frank Kinslow’s work, I had been experiencing my essence, Pure Awareness or EuStillness as Frank calls it, and what Eckhart Tolle calls Being. It is the experience of being home. It is beyond the mind and it is the feeling (used loosely) of nothing or no-thing and oneness at the same time, so I call it “nOne”. In the word “none” it has the word “one” in it (nOne) so it seems appropriate. I use nOne because it’s hard for the mind to form concepts, opinions, and judgements around that word as opposed to emotionally charged and loaded words like God. In any given moment there can be the experience of profound peace, love, and joy. Yet during that time I had resistance, unpleasant thoughts and judgements. I was still suffering.
A month before awakening, I started reading A Course in Miracles book and it emphasized forgiveness as a way out of the reincarnation cycle. I kept getting more unhappy and depressed reading it. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because forgiveness is a very challenging path and I’m not sure I can do that. Perhaps it simply wasn’t for me, especially since I always loved the phrase “Acceptance bypasses the need for forgiveness” by Emmanuelle. Forgiveness implies that you or another did something wrong. From a spiritual perspective there is no such thing as right and wrong, while from the human perspective there’s morales and laws that punish the wrongdoers. I started reading Gina Lake’s Radiance, Return to Essence, and The Jesus Trilogy books and I was loving them. I noticed a good change happening in me and after years of spiritual searching Gina Lake’s books were the final catalyst to my awakening.
Awakening came to me unexpectedly, I guess when I was ready for it and I’m not sure it is something you can make or force to happen. What awakening means to me is the unequivocal realization and acknowledgment that one is not their egoic mind and body. I no longer can become completely identified with the egoic mind. I finally understand what the ego’s purpose is and what it has been doing to me, and I can now laugh at the absurdity of it all. Awakening brings the real truth, freedom, and ends the internal suffering. One becomes buddha. The word buddha means “awakened one”. Another definition is the “enlightened one” but there is no enlightenment really (I’ll explain below). I like the word awakened because it is more of a remembering of who you truly are, or rather who you are not. Who we really are is hard to describe in words and is paradoxical (like nothing and everything). It must be experienced. It’s easier to state that we are not our bodies, minds, or even souls. That last one, souls, probably got you, huh?
The truth has layers or different levels depending on the context one is speaking about. A truth that one can state is that we are human having a physical experience. Probably nobody will argue that isn’t true. From the shared experiences of people that have had a near death experience (NDE), we could state another truth that when you physically die, your soul leaves your body and goes to another place or dimension. You cannot convince people that have had NDE’s that is not the case. They know it to be true because they have had a profound experience of it. These are only a couple of levels of experiences. I’m all about experiencing things over something you read (especially religious text) or were told by another.
As you can see at the context level of the physical experience, those previous truths stated probably would stand scrutiny (at least to some degree). Yet there are deeper levels of truth. In human form, one can experience an everyday awake and expansive state of awareness where pure love, profound peace (or stillness), and incredible joy are almost palpable. With this experience comes understanding of another level of truth, and that is that we are everything and everyone. Speaking at this level, we really don’t have a soul, how can we when we/you are everyone. We could say there is only oneness. Another truth, perhaps the ultimate truth, is that you (or we) do not really exist. There is nobody (really here) to be enlightened. I’m sure the last two statements really throws your mind for a loop. Good, let it. Even stating oneness is not completely accurate, it’s more like you are no-thing. So, is the truth stated earlier about we are human having a physical experience really true, or an elaborate deceptive dream (similar in concept to The Matrix movie)? Is this all happening in our minds? Are we all dreaming the same dream?
If you still remember the last vivid dream you had, did it feel real? Do you remember all the sensations, perhaps of touch and emotions? What part of you felt that since you were asleep? Was it your mind interpreting all the sensations? Why is a dream considered not real, and the awake state real? What if when we are awake it is not real?
Around the year 2000, I was walking down the street past Tiffany’s store at the famous Union Square in San Francisco when I had an amazing experience. All of a sudden, every person that was walking towards me, I immediately and intimately recognized at a deep level of my being despite never having seen or known them before in the physical. I instantly remembered them (their true essence) and knew without a shadow of a doubt they were me too. This recognition seemed to last forever, but I’m sure it only lasted about 15 seconds. The experience put a smile on my face, opened my heart and filled my mind with awe. I realized that I had experienced oneness to some degree.
I felt nOne before awakening but it is much more prevalent after the awakening. Now as I go about my day, I experience the nOne as mostly peaceful quiet stillness, with love, and on occasions spontaneous joy (I start laughing for no apparent reason). It feels like soft, silky, limitless, loving and nurturing energy that I can stay bathing in forever. It feels like there’s no light (black), empty or nothing, yet it is not empty and it’s tingling with endless possibilities. This is just a way to describe it because it is not energy and I don’t feel it. I experience nOne beyond the human mind of time and space. When enveloped in that experience, there is nothing wrong, or anything I have to do, and nothing can upset me. I am in utter contentment or bliss. It took me a while to realize that there is no more fear. Fear simply dropped away. Fear cannot live or be in (that state of) nOne. The foundation of who we truly are is nOne, before all this manifestation of a soul, human being, and even the feeble human concept of a God.
Barbara Brennan sees auras and our God connection which she calls the Core Star. In the mid 90’s, I went to the first year of her school. What I call nOne, I believe Barbara Brennan calls the black velvet void. While at her school and in meditation, I experienced the black velvet void but I didn’t realize the significance of it back then, but I remember it felt really good. Here are a few quotes from her:
“It is possible to directly experience this “black velvet void” and its teaming unmanifest life within the Core Star. The direct experience of this infinite boundless life is quite wonderful. It is the source within us and within every cell of our bodies out of which we build our human-energy-consciousness system, our bodies and our lives. The Core Star is our first manifestation out of the void into individuality. The Core Star is like the opposite of a Black Hole. It spews out manifest life!”
“Since the Black Velvet Void, Brahma and the Zero Point Field are the source of all manifestation, I think they are one and the same.”
“In the black velvet void there is no form, no thing yet, aliveness exists there as your basic ground of being.”
Don’t get me wrong, I am not in a blissful state all the time especially when I have let the egoic mind take hold. But after awakening the ego cannot take hold for very long anymore. I am not special, there are many all around the world awakening and it’s accelerating. Perhaps you’re ready to awaken since you are reading this now. Have an open mind and continue to seek the ultimate truth.
You may want to read a guide to awakening.